Found this on my other blogger account...You can find that under my profile..

Monday, May 23, 2005

When I needed you

I remember the night that I needed you. You weren't there anymore. Lost is the feeling that I felt without you. I tried to believe that you still wanted me, although you are gone. It seems like I am blind, unable to see, arms waving before me trying to find something to grasp onto. Nothing is real anymore, you are gone.

I remember the night that I cried for you, or at least that you would be there to hold me. You weren't there anymore, maybe you were never there. I cant tell. I woke up and thought I felt your arms around me, yet they weren't. Not even sure I know what that feels like, so I pretend.

I remember the night I waited for you to call and you never did. The feelings that overwhelmed me spinning out of control. Cant believe that I thought you would call, you only do when you see fit. I have heard all the excuses before, this is not new to me and you.

I remember the night that I held the blade to my skin, or at least my thoughts were so vivid that I could feel the coolness touch me. Yet I didn't do it. Instead I let my thoughts come out on paper, makes the pain almost as real.

I remember when I decided not to care anymore. Or at least that is what I try to convince myself to keep moving forward. Wishing all those tears that I had tucked away would once again visit me. Yet they don't, they elude me like sleep often does. I think I can feel them, rationality takes over, and they are gone again.

I remember always being in pain, yet being too strong to let my emotions out.I want to remember all the good times in life, not just the bad ones that drive my walls up and shut me down.